A Day I Would Rather Forget

Today was one of those days that I wish I could just erase from my memory. I am looking forward to closing my eyes, putting an end to this day once and for all.

Today was a bad day for Giovanni. Well, it didn't start that way, but it sure ended that way. He attended a birthday party for the son of a friend of mine. Giovanni was very excited to go play with his "friends", and I was excited to see some wonderful people that I haven't had the opportunity to see much of over the past couple of years. Within 20 minutes of arriving at the party, he lost his shit. Screaming, throwing himself on the floor, shaking. He was incredibly overwhelmed by the noise, the crowd, just everything. I did everything I could to calm him down, to anticipate loud noises and busy situations, but I failed. All I wanted was for him to be able to be normal and participate with the "normal" kids. That is all he wanted too!

He is not normal. He has a disability. Yes, you can see his braces, you can see the rotation of his legs, his misshapen head. This disability is invisible. No one can see it, no one understands it. Sensory processing disorder is one of the most brutal, unfair, and downright horrible disabilities there are. Kids who have this are often referred to as brats and we as parents are often seen as being incompetent because we can't control our children. That is what people see when they look at us. It is the most horrible feeling in the world. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs that he can't control what is happening to him. It isn't his fault!

Today I let the judgement of others get the best of me. I let people's lack of understanding break me into pieces. It wasn't because they were judging me, it's because they saw my son as a monster.

Giovanni is the sweetest, most caring little boy you will ever meet. He will hug you if you cry; he will kiss your booboo when you get hurt; he will give you a kiss just to make you smile. I just wish everyone else could see it.